Lisa Johnson Mandell’s The Marvels review says it’s so frantic, garish and overstuffed with hackneyed tropes that even a consummately engaging cast can’t redeem it. 

Since it’s the holiday season, I’m going to get a bit metaphorical with my The Marvels review.

You’ve waited all year (or at least since September) for the unveiling of your neighbors’ Christmas lawn decor spectacular. The chosen night arrives, the lights go on, and…you’re blinded by the amount of flashy crap they’ve crammed into about 300 square feet of lawn space. There’s no discernible overarching theme other than noisy Christmas.

You see myriad quivering inflatables—Snoopy, the Grinch, Santa, Rudolph, Bumble, a snow globe, a T-Rex with a Santa hat and Frosty — in addition to train tracks with a Polar Express circling the lawn and a reason for the season manger scene tucked in one corner. There’s an uncoordinated light show blinking everywhere with seizure-inducing flashes, and five different sources of carols blaring from speakers all over the lawn.

Then there are the unidentifiable characters scattered about — you’re not quite sure what they’re doing there or where you’ve seen them before, but they must fit into the narrative somehow, because, hey, they exist on the lawn.

That’s the feeling you get watching The Marvels. It’s a garish, overstuffed, nonsensical, mismatched cacophony of a film that seems to exist merely because it’s a designated part of the Marvel Universe. It tries too hard on every level, and achieves excellence on none of them.

The Marvels review — it’s not all bad

Which is not to say it doesn’t have its virtues. You’ve got to give credit to the three female leads, Brie Larson, Teyonah Parris and Iman Vellani, for trying. This is a particular letdown for Larson fans, who have been enraptured by her nuanced performance as Elizabeth Zott in Lessons in Chemistry.

Unfortunately, her Captain Marvel character has been given very little to do other than skulk around in a tight white crop top, zoom through space in a fire beam, and engage in tag team lightening wrestling matches.

As all the most frustrating Marvel movies do, we are plunged into frantic action from the very beginning, with very little exposition or backstory to explain who these people are, who’s fighting whom and why. Unless you remember all the details of 2019’s Captain Marvel, and have seen every Marvel movie and TV series since then, you’re going to feel lost most of the time.

At least the plot is familiar to the point of triteness. A villain (or in this case, a villainess) is seeking all the power so she can wreck revenge and take over the universe. Gee, we’ve never seen that before.

Nor have we seen the poor superhero who’s extreme powers have caused isolation and loneliness, the brilliant science geek trying to figure out the best way to use those super powers, or the teenager who is attempting to carve an identity and master newfound superpowers. Or have we? Bet you can name at least five in each category.

The Marvels review — that darn “cat”

There is one scene that I can’t unsee, and seems to capsulize the entire film. Remember Goose, Captain Marvel’s “cat,” that shoots giant writhing tentacles out of its mouth, captures humans with them and then ingests them, only to cough the humans up later like hairballs, alive and in one piece, if a bit traumatized?

Yeah, like you, I only vaguely remember him too. So in The Marvels, dozens of baby kitten-like Gooses, or Flerkens as they’re called, (I had to look that up) burst forth from gooey pods, devour an entire spaceship crew that has to abandon ship, get herded (cat herding, get it?) into a tiny safety rocket so the entire crew can fit, then cough them up once the rocket lands on earth. Oy!

It feels like director Nia DaCosta just threw everything on the lawn to see if it would light up, with no regard for organization, intention or continuity. Diehard genre fans will probably get a kick out of it, and the rest of us will get a headache.

Rated PG-13

1 Hour 45 Minutes

If, after reading this The Marvels review, you’re still interested in sitting through it at the cineplex, find times and tickets at Fandango.com.

Lisa Johnson Mandell’s The Marvels review says it’s so frantic, garish and overstuffed with hackneyed tropes that even a consummately engaging cast can’t redeem it.