I’m sure die hard fanboys’ hearts will be all aflutter over this long anticipated throw down between the two biggest superheroes of all time. But as for me? I felt as if I’d been stuffed in a dark coffin, chained to the back of the Batmobile and dragged for 30 miles through the ruins of Gotham by the time I endured to the end of this overstuffed and overwrought two-and-a-half hour slugfest.

Which is a shame, because I was really looking forward to it. I mean, who wouldn’t want to see a buffed up Ben Affleck Batman and a charming Henry Cavill Superman have at it, under the more-than-able-direction of Zack Snyder (Man of Steel)? The informed answer? Anyone who doesn’t have piles of DC Comics spilling out of their closets and sliding out from under their beds. The movie is long, dark, grim and joyless. A little self-deprecation, a little fun would have been nice, especially after Deadpool, and even The Avengers franchise, both of which show us that superheroes can be so much more than dreary, brutal angst bags. When you have to look to Jesse Eisenberg’s kooky Lex Luthor for levity, you know it’s a slog.

I’m torn about giving you a synopsis of the plot, because we’ve been cautioned not to give away any spoilers. Besides, the storyline is so convoluted I couldn’t tell who was doing what, when, where or why most of the time, and I was relieved when my highly educated critic colleague companion leaned over to me, about two thirds of the way through the film, and asked, “I have no idea what’s going on, do you?” It’s as if the writers threw everything they could think up at the screen…then tossed in Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) and a really annoying big green flying monster for good measure. Most of it we’ve seen several times before…and better.

Lest you think I’m just old and cranky, know that as of this posting, this bazillion dollar budgeted black hole of a movie only had a 35% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, so I feel as if I’m in good critic company. I had a huge crush on both Batman and Superman when I was little, but thanks to Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, the thrill is gone.

Rated PG-13

2 Hours 31 Minutes

Get times and tickets at Fandango.com.

This just in: Since Zack Snyder didn’t add any fun or levity to his latest superhero film, I’m taking advantage of Warner Bros. gracious offer to rectify that, with this Lego Batman Trailer from The Lego Batman Movie:

BATMAN V SUPERMAN Review — Been There, Slugged That