By Staci Layne Wilson
@StaciWilson

The first words spoken in By The Sea are, “I smell fish.” This incredibly astute observation is made by vapid ex-dancer Vanessa (Angelina Jolie-Pitt) to her handsome hubby Roland (Brad Pitt), the moment they step out of their glorious gun metal gray Citröen DS convertible and onto the cobble streets of vintage Malta, a stone’s throw from the azure blue of the vast Mediterranean Sea. Of course it’s fishy. And so is the whole movie.

Glamorous but empty Roland and Vanessa have rented a lavish waterfront villa-cum-hotel, where there is a bar below and an earthy, full-of-life newlywed couple honeymooning next door. François (Melvil Poupaud) and Lea (Mélanie Laurent) are young, in-love, and incredibly amorous – as Vanessa soon discovers by watching them through a perfectly round peephole that’s conveniently carved between her bedroom and theirs. Vanessa isn’t quite titillated – in fact, she’s frigid and rebuffs even the slightest show of affection from Roland – but she is intrigued. While Roland, an alcoholic, washed-up writer (cliché, much?) drinks his days away in the bar below, spilling his woes to the benevolent bartender Michel (Niels Arestrup), Vanessa languishes in the room, fully made up in lashes and lingerie, doing, as she proudly states, “Absolutely nothing.”

As a lover of arthouse cinema, and an appreciator of the famous French ennui in cinema, I am much more forgiving of By The Sea than most critics. It’s a gorgeous film, and the mood of that golden auteur era is indeed captured correctly. Jolie-Pitt and Pitt still have that chemistry we all noticed in their first film together, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and the rest of the casting – not to mention the costuming – is spot on. It’s well-directed (if too leisurely for those not acclimated to the European sensibility), gorgeously shot and expertly edited… but… the characters are not only unlikeable, passive-aggressive jerks, they are boring and predictable to boot. Add to that stunningly stupid dialogue, and you’re in for a shallow dive indeed.

Written and directed by Jolie-Pitt, By The Sea is clearly an homage to 60s French existential dramas ala L’avventura or Contempt; the kind where pretty people pout and mope dramatically in designer duds and huge Yves St. Laurent sunglasses, while drinking red wine and smoking European cigs as Serge Gainsbourg songs play faintly in the background. Had there been any sense of fun, a wink or even a nod, I could have quite possibly loved By The Sea. But it’s so insistently humorless, I’m sorry to have to conclude it’s just a long, drawn-out drag.

Rated R
2 Hours 12 Minutes

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BY THE SEA Review — Something’s Fishy