With every asset and resource known to modern filmmakers, including a $175 million budget and the creative genius behind The Matrix franchise, this overblown, mind numbing, gas bag of a movie is the best the Wachowskis could come up with? Written, produced and directed by the mercurial siblings, it’s apparent they need a lot more supervision, as this film runs amok at every opportunity.

The convoluted premise revolves around “Jupiter Jones,” a name that would seem to be more comfortable in a blacksploitation film. Jupiter is played by doe eyed, pillow lipped Mila Kunis, who lacks the gravitas and dimension of, say a Jennifer Lawrence, Natalie Portman or even Shailene Woodley, to carry off the part of a universal heroine. The Russian immigrant who makes a living scrubbing toilets with her charmless family discovers she is genetically linked to an intergalactic dynasty, presided over by three bickering siblings with hidden agendas (are there any other kind?) One of them just happens to own earth, and he has nefarious plans for the priceless planet. He’s a breathy, stereotypical villain in eyeliner and a cape, camped up to laughable levels by a painfully miscast Eddie Redmayne, whom I fear will lose an Oscar for The Theory of Everything if any Academy voters see this. He is surpassed in incredulity only be Channing Tatum, also in eyeliner, but with very pointy ears. At least Tatum’s “Caine,” a hybrid super soldier, has really cool gravity boots that skate him through the air with the greatest of ease.

His razón de etre in the story is to save Jupiter from an endless number of alien baddies and life threatening situations, three of them being almost identical. After the first one, you stop wondering if he’ll get there in time, and the suspense completely fizzles.

Still, sci-fi special effects fans will have fun watching the space races and battles in 3D, which are indeed fast-paced, but not much we haven’t seen before. Some of the aliens are particularly creepy and nightmare inducing, I’ll give them that. And the Warchowski’s should be given a little credit for exercising restraint in editing Jupiter Ascending down to a still too long two hours and five minutes. It was originally close to three hours and intended for a summer release, which means more people would have been subjected to it. As it is, in early February it can slip right by most filmgoers,  and hopefully for Mr. Redmayne’s sake, most Oscar voters.

Jupiter Ascending Review

Rated PG 13