BAYWATCH Review — A Muscular Marshmallow of a Movie and I LOVE Marshmallows!

What? You were expecting Oscar worthy content from a movie based on a cheesy TV show? This film unabashedly flaunts its beach babe / muscle man pedigree, and for that it can be credited. It’s good, naughty fun, with amazing bodies to be either enjoyed or envied, depending on your gender and preference. What’s not to like about almost two hours of Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron running around topless?

So what if the plot, which involves tryouts for the Baywatch lifeguard squad coinciding with the evil doings of a murderous drug ring, is silly? Does it really matter if the comedy is not as sharp as it could have been?

The girls (Kelly Rohrbach, Ilfenesh Hadera, Priyanka Chopra and Alexandra Daddario) are unselfconsciously gorgeous, there’s a delightfully self-deprecating nerd (Jon Bass), and I’ve already salivated over–I mean mentioned– the men. Director Seth Gordon maintains a loose hold on things, but that’s okay. A frothy summer flick is just the thing for Memorial Day weekend.

Rated R

1 Hour 56 Minutes

PIRATES 5 Review — Dead Men Tell No Tales of Splendor in this latest Pirates of of the Caribbean Iteration

I’ll say this for the extraordinarily long–titled Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales — the first scene is outrageously raucous and entertaining, unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. Unfortunately, that lightening pace proves impossible to sustain.

Johnny Depp is everything you’d expect him to be in his return, and I’m predicting it will be his last, as the franchise is feeling a bit long in the tooth. Again he’s the swaggering, staggering Captain Jack Sparrow, and I still can’t understand half of what he’s saying. Newcomers to the franchise including Javier Bardem, Brenton Thwaites and Kaya Scodalario add delightful spark, and cameos from Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly add panache.

But it’s Paul McCartney‘s brief pirate performance that really perks things up. First we had a Rolling Stone (Keith Richards) now we have a Beatle. That is just too delicious!

Aside from that, it’s pretty much your basic swashbuckling pic. Many, many, many swashes are buckled. Almost too many for my  taste–the film lasts over two hours. At least it’s not dull, although the precocious eight-year-old sitting next to me did sleep through most of it.

Rated PG-13

2 Hours 15 Minutes

Get times and tickets at Fandango.com

BAYWATCH  Review — PIRATES 5 Review — What’s Worth Watching This Weekend?